the thoughts and aspirations of a wannabe

‘Tis the Season for General Chaos

In Great Decisions My Parents Make, I Laugh in Your General Direction on December 5, 2010 at 5:48 am

In light of the Christmas spirit, my dad has been pounding on various hard surfaces and swearing inbetween his teeth for the past two weeks, as he has been reigniting a flame from his childhood by building a miniature train set.

It’s quite involved. The buildings light up, there are tiny little people and trees, even gravel streets. I assume this town is industrializing with the use of its own raw materials, as there is a giant freight train that otherwise circumvents it for no particular reason.

But his brand new engine continues to lose the cars it’s pulling, and occasionally my cat hops onto the structure, causing the engine to fall off the tracks (“Why do we even have any god damn animals?!”), which is apparently unfixable and results in him taking the Lord’s name in vain at great length. And at Christmas! Tsk, tsk.

My cat contemplating whether she should fulfill her lifelong dream of single-handedly destroying a small village.

At first, the frustration that he has met in creating this seasonal (though seemingly very permanent) structure was greatly entertaining. Almost as entertaining as my brother going through mood swings and repeatedly pounding on his bedroom door shouting, “I AM CALM!” after my parents have told him to calm down in between suppressed giggles–and that’s really funny.

But now it’s just making me mad as my relaxing Saturday is being tarnished by the sounds of grown man yelling at a miniature train set.

Now my dad, having calmed down, and my mom are sitting in the sunroom discussing it all, as I secretly type down everything they say.

Dad: So, I swore at the train set.

Mom: Yeah, I could hear the pounding and yelling from all the way upstairs.

Dad: Yeah, it was a little frustrating, I guess.

Mom: I would wager that no one would get as frustrated as you.

Dad: I just want to make it work so people can enjoy it as much as I did as a kid and have fun with it.

Mom: You’re all about fun, I can see that.

Dad: Hannah, are you blogging about this?

Me: No.

Dad: Yes you are, look you’re smiling! I could tell because when I was working on the train I just heard “clickclickclickclickclickclick.”

Mom: You have to read it now.

Me: [I read them the narrative].

Mom: You should just go back to “god dammit Jesus,” Bill. “For shit’s sake,” just sounds like you don’t know how to swear.

Dad: Somebody had to come up with the stuff at some point, maybe I’m a trend-setter.

Mom: I would be embarassed if I were to say it. It makes no sense.

Dad: But it’s just like grunting with words. That’s how I see it.

Mom: It doesn’t sound manly, it’s not an attractive verbiage.

Dad: Well it’s not like I say [in a flamboyantly  gay voice] “Jesus shit!”

Mom: [Shakes her head in embarrassment].

I think I get my sass from my mom. And now I will leave you with a video that my family enjoys every Christmas season from SCTV. There are several that I will try to post regularly.


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